Show me the money
“You’re cute, but you live too far.”
This was his opening message to me, and he was right. He lived in Long Beach. That's a good 2 hours drive in rush hour traffic. (LA traffic really sucks!)
But I decided to play along anyway and responded with, “Not too far for the weekends. ;)”
He thought that was a good come back and we were off chatting. I quickly learned that he actually works most weekends and it would be better for us to get together during the week.
This particular evening was a Monday.
We met downtown in the LA Arts District, ordered dinner and sat down to eat. The conversation was good overall, but there was one thing that was pretty odd. He mentioned several times about how clean and groomed he likes to be, but not in a normal way; he takes several showers a day and expects his partner to be meticulously clean as well.
He had even purchased a new beard oil that he clearly hadn’t mastered applying yet because it was glistening like crazy and fragrant for miles. Yet outside of this quirk, he was a decent guy and I accepted another date with him in the future.
That future came sooner than expected the following Wednesday when he called me to see if I wanted to go to a comedy show in North Hollywood. He said he knew the owner of the club and that the tickets were free. It sounded like fun, so I hopped in my car and headed over.
About midway through my journey, he called me and said that he had arrived at the comedy club and the tickets were actually $10. He also informed me that he only had about $100 to his name until Friday and asked if I would mind purchasing my ticket. I said that it was fine and I’d be there soon.
At the box office they told me that in addition to the $10 ticket, it was also a 2 drink minimum. I didn’t think too much of this as it’s pretty standard for a comedy club.
I entered the lounge where my guy was sitting down, enjoying a beer. He asked me if I wanted anything to drink. I told him thank you, but I’ll wait until the show starts to place my order. About 10 minutes later we were ushered into the main stage area where we could seat ourselves at any table. The tables were arranged in vertical rows, perpendicular to the stage.
He chose a table right in front.
The waitress came over, explained the 2 drink minimum and to took our drink orders for the first round. Then she asked for a credit card. Right away my guy told me that he only had cash and asked if I would mind paying for the first round and he’ll pay for the second round. I said, "Okay, sure". Seemed fair to me.
About halfway through the comedian's performance, the waitress comes back to take our orders for the second round. My guy is seated closest to the aisle, so I can’t really hear what he is telling her, but from his body language, I pick up that he is telling her to not bring him his second drink.
I couldn't believe the nerve he had. He clearly wanted to drink, but didn't want to pay for it. I guess he had it all figured out. I would pay for his first drink and he would only pay for my drink alone on the second round.
To my surprise, she refuses to listen to him, reminds him of the 2 drink minimum policy, and forces him to get his second drink. (You go, girl!) He orders a beer and she moves on to the next table.
Then the check comes.
It’s just before the show ends. My card is placed neatly on top of the check. I look to see if she ran my card and nothing had been charged yet. I leave the check between us, waiting for him to put in his portion of money for the second round of drinks. The waitress comes back and asks him if the check is ready for payment. He leans over and asks me if the check is ready, and I remind him of our agreement. Immediately, he says that he only has a $20 bill, so how about I pay and then he’ll give me cash.
I knew at this point I probably would never see my money again.
“I have a better idea”, I told him, “How about you get change for your $20?”. He reluctantly got change, and placed his money on the tray. We then decided that we would change our original plan, and he would now pay for his drinks, and I would pay for mine. How much was the entire bill you ask?
Twenty. Six. Dollars.
The show ended. We filed back out to the lounge and talked for a little while. The owner of the club and some of the other comedians invited us to go to a nearby bar to hang out. It was close to midnight on a week night, so I declined. I also figured that since he didn’t have much money, I’d try to give him an out. But no. He was all for going with them. So, he walked me to my car, kissed me good night and off he went to spend more money he didn't have.
I really didn’t expect to hear anything from him again, but lucky me got a message from him on Friday morning that said,
“You live too far. Delete my number.”
And that was that.
This is why you’re single:
You go on dates you can’t afford...
You try to manipulate others...
You don’t keep your word...
I really don’t know what is wrong with people sometimes. They say they want to be in a relationship, but aren’t open with themselves or with others. I was operating on the idea that we were going to share the bill, but because he tried to be sneaky about not paying, I felt I needed him to fork out some money. It was all about principal. I didn't care about the stupid $26.
What would you have done in this situation? Have you encountered anything like this before? Let me know in the comments below.
